Thursday, January 17, 2008

Movie Review: Lady Snowblood

WARNING: if you in any way love Quentin Tarantino, think that he is a god, make love to your copy of Pulp Fiction, or think Kill Bill is the best thing you’ve ever seen, don’t bother reading this review, because it is going to put your blood pressure through the roof, and I ain’t payin’ for your crappy hospital bill.

ANYWAY, I have never been a big Tarantino fan. I saw Reservoir Dogs and loved it, but everything else by him that I’ve seen, including the above-mentioned (ok, with the exception of Four Rooms and Grindhouse, in which the weakest parts were directed by him), I thought were total crap. Yes, folks, CRAP. I saw Battle Royale a few years ago, and over the summer, I watched Thriller: En Grym Film, and those made me dislike him even more. But nothing, no, NOTHING, made me hate him more than when I watched Lady Snowblood a few weeks ago.

Lady Snowblood is a Japanese ass-kicking extravaganza, with the protagonist being a mega-hot, kimono clad, tiny BADASS. Her father was brutally murdered and her mother forced to serve one of the murderers. After going to jail for, in turn, killing the killer, she got pregnant as quickly as she could and then sent her daughter off to train to get vengeance for the death of her parents (her mother died in childbirth). Snowblood trains her whole life, and then seeks her revenge, in one of the most amazing bloodbaths I have ever seen (one of the blurbs I read about the movie referred to it as a “violent ballet,” and that is the best way to describe it).

The movie starts in medias res, and the audience is given the background throughout the movie. Hmm, what does this all sound like? That’s right – almost everything, from the layout of the movie, to the camera shots, to the style of the music, to the ridiculous fountain-of-spraying-blood – all of the things Tarantino used in Kill Bill were present here, in this movie made in 1973. TARANTINO, YOU SUCK. Despite the fact that some die-hard fans know where he got these ideas from, I think that Kill Bill should be subtitled “An Homage to Lady Snowblood,” or maybe “I Stole this Right from Japan,” or even, “I Totally Freaking Suck.”

ANYWAY (picture me sighing before both of those), I think that Lady Snowblood is definitely one of the greatest vengeance films ever made. It’s definitely worth seeing. It is also definitely worth seeing, and then setting your Tarantino DVDs on fire. Take your pick!

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