Monday, October 1, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
in a nutshell: did a lot of writing, did a lot of reading, played d&d, watched a lot of true blood, cleaned my apartment, sold some dvds, played zeitgeist, played board games (king of tokyo, pandemic, miskatonic school for girls), played ascension, played video games (prototype, disgaea, borderlands, awesomenauts), had a hard time at therapy (but when don't i these days?), and made my to-do list ever longer with each passing day.
yup, same old, same old. home now getting stuff done... well, hopefully i will get some stuff done. if i don't, i'll end up collapsed on this couch, playing video games all day. or i'll go on a mad search for tin roof sundae ice cream, playtest splice over at cipher prime, and nap a lot.
oh, we finished up season four of true blood, which means i'll have to watch season five like everyone else: week to week. that's... weak. and i finished reading the first kurosagi corpse delivery service book last night, and we watched daybreakers and the first episode of tron: uprising. and i got rid of 100 dvds on friday. an entire apartment full of junk left to go...
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
ant and i have been listening to the kinks a lot lately as well. i didn't realize how many songs i knew by them. i picked up some of their albums after seeing the darjeeling limited. ant put one on at my place, and since then, it's been on both of our playlists regularly. i also listened to some violent femmes today - i've had them in my head recently but today was the first time i actively tried to scratch that itch.
today was stressful. my eye is still twitching... it's been twitching for something like 24 hours now. i looked it up on the internet and the most logical thing it said was STRESS. gee, thanks, body, for letting me know i'm stressed out. i didn't realize it. after work i went to therapy and cried a lot. it felt good to cry, but at the same time, i'm just so moody lately. i kept vacillating between "it's the end of the world and i'm a massive loser" and "life is great yay i love everyone!" i mostly just need more sleep, i think.
one of the things i talked about in therapy is how much stuff i have, and how it's a huge psychological burden to me. i've got stuff in my apartment, stuff at my mom's house, and stuff in a storage place. i'm off for a few days coming up, so i'm going to go through all my dvds and sell some locally, and get rid of some of my books, and start going through some of the paperwork and mail i have everywhere. i just need to let things go. i've got weird quirks, attachment issues, and more disorders than i can possibly imagine. it's time to stop letting them control me.
i feel helpless lately. it's time to take some of that power back.
also, i gotta get some work done. if i chip at it slowly, it's far less horrible. i can do it. i think i can, i think i can...
Monday, May 7, 2012
last night i did some writing and ended up passing out early. i had the strangest dreams. one was about an exboyfriend from over a decade ago. he asked me to babysit his children for him. one of them turned out to be a loudmouthed racist. it was very bizarre. the other was about my most recent exboyfriend. i went to the house my grandparents used to live in, and he was there. he went through my groceries and stole my cheerios. when i told my friend ryan about it, he said, "that sounds like a thing he would really do." i couldn't help but agree.
for whatever reason, today was a downward spiral of anxiety and depression. it's been building up and getting worse over the last few days, but today was like a maelstrom, and i got a glimpse of something horrible at the bottom. part of it is stress from work, part of it is stress from personal work, part of it is stress from my therapist leaving and not knowing if i'm going to stay with her, part of it is family drama, part of it is my rent going up and a desire to move. that is a huge pie chart of stomachaches.
it doesn't help that i had another frap this morning. after not having coffee for several months, the sudden influx of caffeine into my system is a shock. by the afternoon, i felt like i was going to vomit. but it was so tasty. i am a sad panda.
i wanted to do laundry after work, but my stomach was in such an upheaval that i didn't want to spend an hour in the laundromat. so i headed over to ant's instead, with my laptop, my mouse, and my PSP, loaded up with disgaea. i got stuck at a spot in the game months ago and haven't touched it since, but i've been thinking about it a lot, so i'm going to pick it back up again. but now it's time to get down to work. by that i mean eat dinner, watch legend of korra, and then struggle through some more writing.
five posts in five days. this might be a record...
Sunday, May 6, 2012
i also finished up touch my katamari yesterday, and ant and i played a ton of ascension on my ipad. ironically, it's made us want to get the physical board game even more, because we want to actually play the game out longer, and there's no way to do that in the app - it's got a set number of points.
today, we woke up late, lounged around, i did a lot of cleaning, and i played some borderlands. oh, and i played some more prototype last night before bed. we headed out, stopped at the comic shop to pick some stuff up (ant got some hellboy, i got some DMZ and kurosagi corpse delivery service), then we came back here and watched game of thrones. now we're getting ready to watch the latest episode of the legend of korra, and i'm working on my review of johannes cabal: the fear institute and doing some editing.
i've been a bit stressed out lately because i'm involved in a lot of stuff. i've even cut down some of it and i still feel stressed out. sometimes i feel like i'm just not organized enough to keep up this breakneck speed of a schedule. i've got some time off coming up, so hopefully i'll be able to get myself together a little better. in the meantime, another work week starts tomorrow. monday always comes so quickly...
Saturday, May 5, 2012
yauch's death is everywhere. it was all over the internet before i left work. when we were running our errands in the city, local merchants selling wares from tables on street corners were blaring the beastie boys. laying in bed watching tv with the windows open, a local radio station dj played at high volumes from a car announced his death - to those who didn't already know. and, this morning, i asked ant if he wanted to listen to some music. "sure," he said. "put something on." i put on hot sauce committee part two. "i knew you were going to play this," he said. "why wouldn't i?" i replied. "it's in honor of one of our..." i paused, looking for the right word. as i was going to say "favorite musicians," he instead, in that strange way he has of finding the perfect words, said, "fallen heroes."
we're making some noise. 'cause we're with you.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Today is a good holiday. The daily shirt sites are divided between Star Wars shirts and Avengers shirts, all of which are awesome. I've come up with a poetry project idea that I wanted to implement last night, but my laptop decided not to work, so I watched True Blood instead. I'm currently sitting in a classroom, telling sleepy kids their 9 am class has been canceled. This blog post was brought to you by my first Frappuccino in close to a year.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
before i went out, i was looking around at my apartment, which is constantly cluttered and messy, and i thought to myself, i really need to organize this place and make it into my own living space. i live out of boxes for years at a time and it's starting to get old. i need a place where i can breathe and just be me. perhaps 16-year-old me can come help? because i have a feeling it's going to be a lot of work, fixing this place up.
what else was i doing at 16? i was playing soccer, taking latin, going to antioch for the first time. 17 years later, skeeball will have to replace soccer, japanese will have to replace latin, and board games are my new religion.
it's nearly midnight, and i'm still recovering from PAX East. time to try to get my sleep schedule back on track.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
what have i been up to? a lot! girl geek dinners, games in philly, warp zoned, press 1, geekadelphia, per contra, skeeball, dungeons and dragons, board games, blood bowl, gamma world, bookclubs, reading, writing, gaming, listening to music, watching movies and tv shows. we had an awesome event for the GGD last night; i've been writing a ton for the sites i'm involved with; we were the skeeball champions last skeeson (only lost one game!); and there's been a lot of gaming - on and off the top of the table. i've read loads of books and manga and comics, watched a lot of tv, finally saw tron and tron: legacy, and even went to the movies over the holiday break a few times. it has been a media frenzy up in here.
health-wise, things have been strange. my gastroparesis has been acting up again something vicious. my anxiety has been up and down, but i'd have to say that i've been more aware of it and i've been working through it. i feel like i've been getting better and better, but i still have obvious moments where i feel like i'm walking backwards, not forwards.
there's so much i want to talk about, but i just got done writing some articles and i'm tired. i do want to start writing in here again, but i put so much pressure on myself to have something to write about. i keep forgetting that it's a blog, and that the "about" part is just me. i can write whatever i want. i can do whatever i want. and what i want is to write.