Monday, May 7, 2012

writing writing writing

no matter how much writing i do, there is always more to be done. note: this is not a complaint. it would be nicer if there was always more writing to be done and i was getting paid for it, but there is still room for that somewhere in the future. for now, i am happy with writing, and editing, and reading, and gaming, even if there are not enough hours in the day for all of it.

last night i did some writing and ended up passing out early. i had the strangest dreams. one was about an exboyfriend from over a decade ago. he asked me to babysit his children for him. one of them turned out to be a loudmouthed racist. it was very bizarre. the other was about my most recent exboyfriend. i went to the house my grandparents used to live in, and he was there. he went through my groceries and stole my cheerios. when i told my friend ryan about it, he said, "that sounds like a thing he would really do." i couldn't help but agree.

for whatever reason, today was a downward spiral of anxiety and depression. it's been building up and getting worse over the last few days, but today was like a maelstrom, and i got a glimpse of something horrible at the bottom. part of it is stress from work, part of it is stress from personal work, part of it is stress from my therapist leaving and not knowing if i'm going to stay with her, part of it is family drama, part of it is my rent going up and a desire to move. that is a huge pie chart of stomachaches.

it doesn't help that i had another frap this morning. after not having coffee for several months, the sudden influx of caffeine into my system is a shock. by the afternoon, i felt like i was going to vomit. but it was so tasty. i am a sad panda.

i wanted to do laundry after work, but my stomach was in such an upheaval that i didn't want to spend an hour in the laundromat. so i headed over to ant's instead, with my laptop, my mouse, and my PSP, loaded up with disgaea. i got stuck at a spot in the game months ago and haven't touched it since, but i've been thinking about it a lot, so i'm going to pick it back up again. but now it's time to get down to work. by that i mean eat dinner, watch legend of korra, and then struggle through some more writing.

five posts in five days. this might be a record...

No comments: