i had a revelation tonight as i was walking to my friend's house to babysit: i feel like i'm 16 again. i play dungeons and dragons regularly; i play video games every single day; i read a lot of sci fi, fantasy, and young adult (and sometimes young adult sci fi and fantasy); i write constantly. these are all things that were staples in my teenage life, and here they are all over again.
before i went out, i was looking around at my apartment, which is constantly cluttered and messy, and i thought to myself, i really need to organize this place and make it into my own living space. i live out of boxes for years at a time and it's starting to get old. i need a place where i can breathe and just be me. perhaps 16-year-old me can come help? because i have a feeling it's going to be a lot of work, fixing this place up.
what else was i doing at 16? i was playing soccer, taking latin, going to antioch for the first time. 17 years later, skeeball will have to replace soccer, japanese will have to replace latin, and board games are my new religion.
it's nearly midnight, and i'm still recovering from PAX East. time to try to get my sleep schedule back on track.
Showing posts with label dungeons and dragons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dungeons and dragons. Show all posts
Monday, April 9, 2012
Friday, November 18, 2011
How many licks does it take?
I've tried to write this blog post half a dozen times, and yet somehow I've failed to finish a single one. So hopefully this time I will manage to finish a full thought, at least.
First: I'm writing this from my shiny new iPad! I love this thing. I barely have any apps on it yet - I've downloaded some, but for the most part, I don't really like them. The Facebook and Twitter apps suck; I can't find a blogspot app that doesn't suck. I don't like the Google chat app i found, either. I was hoping I could run the D&D character creator, but it runs on Silverlight, so that has been mostly futile. I did put Netflix on it, which has been absolutely ridiculously amazing. Other than that, I've mostly just been checking email and writing on it. The keyboard doesn't bother me at all - actually enjoy typing with it, though I'm obviously not as efficient as I am on a regular keyboard. For the most part, though, I really like it. It works for what I need it to do, and as I slowly get more acclimated to it, I like it more and more.
What else...there's just so much going on, I don't even know where to start. I guess I can start with real life. I had dinner with Michelle Pagnani a few weeks ago, and it was so fun! I hadn't seen her in years, but we had kept in touch, especially recently. We talked about everything, and mostly just realized how alike we are in so many ways. We want to plan a little happy hour with a bunch of the former English majors, which I would really love, if we could all find the time.
We saw Electric Six that same week. It was one of the most fun concerts I've ever been to! Anthony got me into them when we started dating, and I've been hooked ever since. We saw them at Johnny Brenda's with a bunch of people - Bailey, George, Kristin, Bill, BJ, and Aaron were all there. I spent most of the night drinking and dancing with Anthony. It was so...I don't even know. Liberating? It felt so good to dance and laugh and sing with Anthony, who is just so free and fun to be with. My words are failing me right now...which has been happening a lot lately.
Anyway, what else? Skeeball is a blast! We finished the regular season last night and remained undefeated! I rolled a 290 in our first game, and in the second game, during the mystery round, I scored a 190...rolling blindfolded with my left hand. It was a great moment. Finals are in two weeks. Registration has already opened for the next skeeson, and so far I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I could stick with my team, because we have a really great rapport, or I could make my own team with my friends, because so many people have expressed an interest in it. So I have to make a decision about it tonight.
I got my hair cut again, too, the day of the Geekadelphia Halloween party. It is shorter than my original cut, which grew way too fast into my eyes. Even now, three weeks later, my hair has grown so crazy quickly! I can't believe it. The party itself was ok - Ant and I were the two main characters from Breaking Bad, Walt and Jesse. Everyone loved our costumes. But I was feeling super fragile - I've been having some self-images issues recently, and dressing as a boy for Halloween drew out all kinds of anxiety. I ended up freaking out and Ant and I had a big fight that went on for most of the weekend. I did a lot of introspecting that weekend, but not before reigning destruction down around me. I know that I can't keep living my life like a bull in a china shop. I know I can't keep wrecking the feelings of the people around me. The people who stay are true friends who love me dearly and will stick with me no matter what, but knowing that doesn't always bring me comfort, because I cringe to think about the pain I've caused them.
In short: I'm lucky to have Ant, and Bailey, and Schneegas, and George. They've brought me through the awful haze that has been the last few weeks, and for that I am grateful. I'm lucky to have a lot of other people, too - Michelle and Veronica, and Chris and Ryan, and John and Holly, and Rachel and Vanessa, and Ian and Brian and Brett. There are too many people to name them all. I'm just a really lucky person who can't be grateful enough.
And I think I've reached my sap quota. I had taken off the week after the party, to work on my novel, which I didn't do. I did go the dentist, therapist, and Gastoenterolgoist; I did play and beat Uncharted 3; I did play a lot of Blood Bowl in our league at Redcap's; I did read a lot of 1Q84, the new Murakami book; I jdid play Skeeball; I did play three games of D&D. I had no cavities and my stomach doctor thinks things are getting better. My therapy appointment was a little mixed....my therapist left the practice, and plans on retiring soon. So that was our last appointment together. I actually ended up crying at the end because I was so sad. She is the first person I've ever really completely opened up to - I told her things I've never said out loud before. I had never given details on any of the sexual abuse I've gone through, not until three months ago when I told her. I felt sad that she was leaving; I felt anxious thinking about starting all over again with a new therapist. She was sad, too - there were tears in both of our eyes when we said goodbye. She set me up with another therapist in the practice, though, and I've seen her twice so far. I like her, and I think that the slow pace we're taking is exactly what I need right now. Everything has been so intense lately, and dialing it down feels good.
Last week was similar to the week before it - I played two more Blood Bowl games at the shop, and played D&D encounters...our last encounter, followed by dim sum at New Harmony. It was lame going back to work, and I also skipped Skeeball to pack for MEPACon, which was the 11th to the 13th. MEPACon is a D&D convention held in Clark's Summit, PA. I was nervous about it,but it ended up being an absolute BLAST! I played 7 mods total, and leveled 2 of my characters - Genza, my ranger, went from 8th to 9th, and Emberyll, my bladesinger, went from 14th to 16th. I did have a minor freak out on the second night, but I talked it through with Anthony, and we got through it.
This past week has been a complete blur. Monday after work I had an appointment with my psychiatrist, then I had a conference call about GameLoop Philly, and then I basically just passed the hell out. I was exhausted. Tuesday I had work, then went to Redcap's for Blood Bowl and hung out with everyone all night. We went back to my place afterwards, which was really nice. Wednesday was work, then the character creation meeting for our new encounter, and then Ant and I went to his friend Gil's place for a board game night. We watched them finish up a game of Dixit, and then played Pandemic with the expansion, which made things even more complicated than usual! Yesterday I didn't have work because I had two doctor's appointments, so I went home in the morning, did some cleaning and food shopping, went to my appointments, did some laundry, then went to Skeeball, where we proceeded to win our final two games. After that, I took the bus to Ant's and he made us some dinner and we decided to try out Pandemic with just two players. It was really fun, and both times we came close to winning...but of course, we lost. I mean, come on. It's Pandemic!!
Work was boring today, and now I'm just chilling at Redcap's, watching Ant play Roland in Blood Bowl while writing this. I was supposed to have a game tonight, too, but Sam cancelled on me. On, and I'm also reading the Uncharted book, which is surprisingly not that bad. I need to review that and the game and a bunch of other stuff. Hopefully my writer's block will get thawed out a little by this giant blog post I'm writing right now :)
There is so much more I want to write about - my therapy appointment yesterday, which was the anniversary of Eric's death, as well. How my anxiety has been. How today is the first day I've felt normal in weeks. The crazy dreams I've been having. What's been going on with my novel. My thoughts on self-image, being invisible, and androgyny. The book of poetry I am putting together. The socks I want to buy. The music I've been listening to. The anime I've been watching. The handmade jewelry I just had commissioned. But I think this is enough writing for now.
First: I'm writing this from my shiny new iPad! I love this thing. I barely have any apps on it yet - I've downloaded some, but for the most part, I don't really like them. The Facebook and Twitter apps suck; I can't find a blogspot app that doesn't suck. I don't like the Google chat app i found, either. I was hoping I could run the D&D character creator, but it runs on Silverlight, so that has been mostly futile. I did put Netflix on it, which has been absolutely ridiculously amazing. Other than that, I've mostly just been checking email and writing on it. The keyboard doesn't bother me at all - actually enjoy typing with it, though I'm obviously not as efficient as I am on a regular keyboard. For the most part, though, I really like it. It works for what I need it to do, and as I slowly get more acclimated to it, I like it more and more.
What else...there's just so much going on, I don't even know where to start. I guess I can start with real life. I had dinner with Michelle Pagnani a few weeks ago, and it was so fun! I hadn't seen her in years, but we had kept in touch, especially recently. We talked about everything, and mostly just realized how alike we are in so many ways. We want to plan a little happy hour with a bunch of the former English majors, which I would really love, if we could all find the time.
We saw Electric Six that same week. It was one of the most fun concerts I've ever been to! Anthony got me into them when we started dating, and I've been hooked ever since. We saw them at Johnny Brenda's with a bunch of people - Bailey, George, Kristin, Bill, BJ, and Aaron were all there. I spent most of the night drinking and dancing with Anthony. It was so...I don't even know. Liberating? It felt so good to dance and laugh and sing with Anthony, who is just so free and fun to be with. My words are failing me right now...which has been happening a lot lately.
Anyway, what else? Skeeball is a blast! We finished the regular season last night and remained undefeated! I rolled a 290 in our first game, and in the second game, during the mystery round, I scored a 190...rolling blindfolded with my left hand. It was a great moment. Finals are in two weeks. Registration has already opened for the next skeeson, and so far I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I could stick with my team, because we have a really great rapport, or I could make my own team with my friends, because so many people have expressed an interest in it. So I have to make a decision about it tonight.
I got my hair cut again, too, the day of the Geekadelphia Halloween party. It is shorter than my original cut, which grew way too fast into my eyes. Even now, three weeks later, my hair has grown so crazy quickly! I can't believe it. The party itself was ok - Ant and I were the two main characters from Breaking Bad, Walt and Jesse. Everyone loved our costumes. But I was feeling super fragile - I've been having some self-images issues recently, and dressing as a boy for Halloween drew out all kinds of anxiety. I ended up freaking out and Ant and I had a big fight that went on for most of the weekend. I did a lot of introspecting that weekend, but not before reigning destruction down around me. I know that I can't keep living my life like a bull in a china shop. I know I can't keep wrecking the feelings of the people around me. The people who stay are true friends who love me dearly and will stick with me no matter what, but knowing that doesn't always bring me comfort, because I cringe to think about the pain I've caused them.
In short: I'm lucky to have Ant, and Bailey, and Schneegas, and George. They've brought me through the awful haze that has been the last few weeks, and for that I am grateful. I'm lucky to have a lot of other people, too - Michelle and Veronica, and Chris and Ryan, and John and Holly, and Rachel and Vanessa, and Ian and Brian and Brett. There are too many people to name them all. I'm just a really lucky person who can't be grateful enough.
And I think I've reached my sap quota. I had taken off the week after the party, to work on my novel, which I didn't do. I did go the dentist, therapist, and Gastoenterolgoist; I did play and beat Uncharted 3; I did play a lot of Blood Bowl in our league at Redcap's; I did read a lot of 1Q84, the new Murakami book; I jdid play Skeeball; I did play three games of D&D. I had no cavities and my stomach doctor thinks things are getting better. My therapy appointment was a little mixed....my therapist left the practice, and plans on retiring soon. So that was our last appointment together. I actually ended up crying at the end because I was so sad. She is the first person I've ever really completely opened up to - I told her things I've never said out loud before. I had never given details on any of the sexual abuse I've gone through, not until three months ago when I told her. I felt sad that she was leaving; I felt anxious thinking about starting all over again with a new therapist. She was sad, too - there were tears in both of our eyes when we said goodbye. She set me up with another therapist in the practice, though, and I've seen her twice so far. I like her, and I think that the slow pace we're taking is exactly what I need right now. Everything has been so intense lately, and dialing it down feels good.
Last week was similar to the week before it - I played two more Blood Bowl games at the shop, and played D&D encounters...our last encounter, followed by dim sum at New Harmony. It was lame going back to work, and I also skipped Skeeball to pack for MEPACon, which was the 11th to the 13th. MEPACon is a D&D convention held in Clark's Summit, PA. I was nervous about it,but it ended up being an absolute BLAST! I played 7 mods total, and leveled 2 of my characters - Genza, my ranger, went from 8th to 9th, and Emberyll, my bladesinger, went from 14th to 16th. I did have a minor freak out on the second night, but I talked it through with Anthony, and we got through it.
This past week has been a complete blur. Monday after work I had an appointment with my psychiatrist, then I had a conference call about GameLoop Philly, and then I basically just passed the hell out. I was exhausted. Tuesday I had work, then went to Redcap's for Blood Bowl and hung out with everyone all night. We went back to my place afterwards, which was really nice. Wednesday was work, then the character creation meeting for our new encounter, and then Ant and I went to his friend Gil's place for a board game night. We watched them finish up a game of Dixit, and then played Pandemic with the expansion, which made things even more complicated than usual! Yesterday I didn't have work because I had two doctor's appointments, so I went home in the morning, did some cleaning and food shopping, went to my appointments, did some laundry, then went to Skeeball, where we proceeded to win our final two games. After that, I took the bus to Ant's and he made us some dinner and we decided to try out Pandemic with just two players. It was really fun, and both times we came close to winning...but of course, we lost. I mean, come on. It's Pandemic!!
Work was boring today, and now I'm just chilling at Redcap's, watching Ant play Roland in Blood Bowl while writing this. I was supposed to have a game tonight, too, but Sam cancelled on me. On, and I'm also reading the Uncharted book, which is surprisingly not that bad. I need to review that and the game and a bunch of other stuff. Hopefully my writer's block will get thawed out a little by this giant blog post I'm writing right now :)
There is so much more I want to write about - my therapy appointment yesterday, which was the anniversary of Eric's death, as well. How my anxiety has been. How today is the first day I've felt normal in weeks. The crazy dreams I've been having. What's been going on with my novel. My thoughts on self-image, being invisible, and androgyny. The book of poetry I am putting together. The socks I want to buy. The music I've been listening to. The anime I've been watching. The handmade jewelry I just had commissioned. But I think this is enough writing for now.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
yay hard drives!
i got an amazing hard drive reader off of new egg (per the recommendation of my good friend george) which came today. i checked out some old hard drives i had sitting around, and found tons and tons of old pictures, old writing, and ALL of my old music. it was a glorious evening. i sifted through them while watching episodes of "breaking bad" and taking some time to read more of the first dresden files book, storm front. i even did some writing! i've been quite productive.
yesterday, i watched breaking bad until i fell asleep, and took a nap. when i woke up, i headed to redcap's and played a game of blood bowl with gil. we're in the pre-season still, and that was my second game - i played nurgles and he played amazons. we tied, which was way better than my first game, when i lost to aaron (though i did beat his team up!). afterwards, anthony and i headed back to his place, and i watched more breaking bad while he worked on his blood bowl team. i passed out around two, and then when he got into bed at four, he woke me up, and neither of us could fall asleep. minus: didn't get much sleep, bonus: made it to work early because we got up just after six, so i actually started getting ready at a reasonable time. ha!
so now, i'm at episode 10 of season three, and i am going to finish this one up and then, if i'm still not tired (i think it's amazing i'm even coherent right now!) then i'll watch one more episode and go to bed. anthony has seen the first episode of season four, so i just have four more left before i'm caught up to him and we can start watching the latest season together. i just wish i had more time in a day...
tomorrow is work, then d&d encounters, which i'm really looking forward to. i also need to make some time to go to comcast to drop off my little cable box thingy... or maybe i'll just mail it to them. no time for thinking now. time only for walt, jesse, and sleep.
yesterday, i watched breaking bad until i fell asleep, and took a nap. when i woke up, i headed to redcap's and played a game of blood bowl with gil. we're in the pre-season still, and that was my second game - i played nurgles and he played amazons. we tied, which was way better than my first game, when i lost to aaron (though i did beat his team up!). afterwards, anthony and i headed back to his place, and i watched more breaking bad while he worked on his blood bowl team. i passed out around two, and then when he got into bed at four, he woke me up, and neither of us could fall asleep. minus: didn't get much sleep, bonus: made it to work early because we got up just after six, so i actually started getting ready at a reasonable time. ha!
so now, i'm at episode 10 of season three, and i am going to finish this one up and then, if i'm still not tired (i think it's amazing i'm even coherent right now!) then i'll watch one more episode and go to bed. anthony has seen the first episode of season four, so i just have four more left before i'm caught up to him and we can start watching the latest season together. i just wish i had more time in a day...
tomorrow is work, then d&d encounters, which i'm really looking forward to. i also need to make some time to go to comcast to drop off my little cable box thingy... or maybe i'll just mail it to them. no time for thinking now. time only for walt, jesse, and sleep.
Monday, October 10, 2011
breaking bad
there's nothing like being sick and watching an entire show from start to finish. i've watched seasons 1 and 2 of "breaking bad" since friday, and today, i started season 3. i could just lay around sick all day and watch the entire season, but i'm so tempted to do so many other things. i also finished up the yiddish policeman's union (which i absolutely loved) for the book club that doesn't suck and now i'm back to storm front, the first book in the dresden files series. i am really enjoying it so far, and i would love to get into the dresden game some of the guys are running. there are video games i want to play, too, and really want to go over the gamma world rule books anthony lent me because we want to start a game of that as well, and i'd like to do some cleaning, but i've just really got so little energy right now from being sick and a lack of sleep and the rough therapy session i had this morning, which has me out of sorts and anxious. so i think i'll just spend the rest of the afternoon with walt, walter jr, jesse, and the rest of the gang. if i'm feeling better later, i might work on some of the stuff i mentioned... that or i'll head to redcap's and play some blood bowl with gil. but right now i've got a fever and a rapid heart rate and a cranky disposition, so we'll have to see. :P
so... many... things... i also want to write, but my laptop is so hot on my lap, and my brain is all fuzzy from this headache, and wahhhhhhhhh.
i also want to write about therapy, and the book she has me reading now, and my dietary changes, but that'll have to be later, when i'm hopefully far less whiny and anxious. <3
so... many... things... i also want to write, but my laptop is so hot on my lap, and my brain is all fuzzy from this headache, and wahhhhhhhhh.
i also want to write about therapy, and the book she has me reading now, and my dietary changes, but that'll have to be later, when i'm hopefully far less whiny and anxious. <3
Sunday, October 9, 2011
yikes.
when i take a hiatus, i take a serious hiatus. the whole point of a blog is to keep it updated, but i can't seem to keep up with it. i've been intensely busy lately with...
there's so, so much more than that, but that's all that has been taking up most of my time. therapy has also been going really well, and i've been working through things i never thought i'd untangle. i've been reading a lot and playing a lot of games and writing a ton and watching a lot of movies and shows and spending a lot of time with anthony, is what it all boils down to.
more later, but for now, my favorite photo of the two of us:
- warp zoned
- press one
- geekadelphia
- girl geek dinners
- games in philly
- the book club that doesn't suck
- the video game club (that also doesn't suck, but we have no name for it yet)
- two more clubs (one book club, which has me reading the girl with the dragon tattoo, and another club which has me primarily catching up on "breaking bad")
- playing a lot of dungeons & dragons and board games
- a blood bowl league (currently in pre-season)
- work
- doctor visits
- writing a novel
- getting a book of poetry together to get published
- preparing for halloween
- spending time with my amazing boyfriend
there's so, so much more than that, but that's all that has been taking up most of my time. therapy has also been going really well, and i've been working through things i never thought i'd untangle. i've been reading a lot and playing a lot of games and writing a ton and watching a lot of movies and shows and spending a lot of time with anthony, is what it all boils down to.
more later, but for now, my favorite photo of the two of us:
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
d&d!
d&d last night was awesome! my friend mike and i got there late but everyone was late setting up so it worked out perfectly. we had a really fun time. anthony was jumping through windows again, which earned him the nickname "reverse defenestrator," until he later pointed out that a reverse defenestrator would be someone who threw windows through people. LOL!! good times.
afterwards i played tons more of the uncharted 3 beta - the patch has really helped it a lot. i played some uncharted 2 after that for some comparison. i think i've gotten wayyy too acclimated to FPS... i keep getting my ass handed to me in TPS. blergh!
ok, time for work, and then stopping into the girl geek dinners happy hour, then babysitting, then a meeting with another local game developer (flyclops tonight!), and then either heading down the shore tonight or sometime tomorrow. i have no time to pack, so most likely tomorrow, but i'd really really really love to get there tonight...
so much to do, always! and i really just want to lay around all day and finish reading clash of kings...
afterwards i played tons more of the uncharted 3 beta - the patch has really helped it a lot. i played some uncharted 2 after that for some comparison. i think i've gotten wayyy too acclimated to FPS... i keep getting my ass handed to me in TPS. blergh!
ok, time for work, and then stopping into the girl geek dinners happy hour, then babysitting, then a meeting with another local game developer (flyclops tonight!), and then either heading down the shore tonight or sometime tomorrow. i have no time to pack, so most likely tomorrow, but i'd really really really love to get there tonight...
so much to do, always! and i really just want to lay around all day and finish reading clash of kings...
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
fresh cake!
Today was nuts! Mike and I went to dinner when I was done work and then headed over to Redcap's for some D&D, which is awesome. I'm really getting into it! I think I'm going to try to make my own character this weekend. We walked back to Mike's after that and I played some Pokemon Black while he played Metal Gear Online, then I played more BioShock 2 while he read more of A Clash of Kings. Now we're just wrapping up and getting ready to pass out.
I started Johannes Cabal the Detective the other night, which I may have mentioned. It's surprisingly good so far! Not that I didn't think the author could pull it off... it's just that the first one was SO good, that it's hard to imagine him equaling that again. I hope he did! So far I'm feeling optimistic. And my book club is reading Johannes Cabal the Necromancer right now, meaning I'm going to get to read it for a third time :D
So much on my mind... hopefully will have time for a proper post discussing all the reviewing I've been doing! But I'm so tired now... zzz...
Oh! Today's t-shirt is called "Fresh Cake." It might just be the best t-shirt ever created!
I started Johannes Cabal the Detective the other night, which I may have mentioned. It's surprisingly good so far! Not that I didn't think the author could pull it off... it's just that the first one was SO good, that it's hard to imagine him equaling that again. I hope he did! So far I'm feeling optimistic. And my book club is reading Johannes Cabal the Necromancer right now, meaning I'm going to get to read it for a third time :D
So much on my mind... hopefully will have time for a proper post discussing all the reviewing I've been doing! But I'm so tired now... zzz...
Oh! Today's t-shirt is called "Fresh Cake." It might just be the best t-shirt ever created!
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