it's time.

i've been busy lately - insanely busy, you could say. this weekend we went to a battle interactive, where my upper-level paragon character, emberyll, just leveled out to epic. it was bittersweet.

more later. backstreet's back, all right.

i should also mention

i did notice that i missed writing for a week. things have been very busy. i wrote a lot last week - a ludicrous amount, in fact. possibly more than any other time except that week when i took off and wrote something like 25,000 words for a novel i was working on. that's a lot of words.

in a nutshell: did a lot of writing, did a lot of reading, played d&d, watched a lot of true blood, cleaned my apartment, sold some dvds, played zeitgeist, played board games (king of tokyo, pandemic, miskatonic school for girls), played ascension, played video games (prototype, disgaea, borderlands, awesomenauts), had a hard time at therapy (but when don't i these days?), and made my to-do list ever longer with each passing day.

yup, same old, same old. home now getting stuff done... well, hopefully i will get some stuff done. if i don't, i'll end up collapsed on this couch, playing video games all day. or i'll go on a mad search for tin roof sundae ice cream, playtest splice over at cipher prime, and nap a lot.

all the things

so much to do today. i took off friday and today to get stuff done around the house, and i did do a lot friday, but didn't get done as much as i thought i would. i often have unrealistic expectations. today i'm going to chip away at it one piece at a time and get done what i can and try not to get overwhelmed/discouraged.

oh, we finished up season four of true blood, which means i'll have to watch season five like everyone else: week to week. that's... weak. and i finished reading the first kurosagi corpse delivery service book last night, and we watched daybreakers and the first episode of tron: uprising. and i got rid of 100 dvds on friday. an entire apartment full of junk left to go...

moodiness abounds

so last night, i did get some stuff done - cleaned up an interview i'd transcribed and worked on some other stuff. we also watched the latest legend of korra episode. and i played some disgaea. i've also been reading the comic invincible, which i really love, and i've started re-reading the kurosagi corpse delivery service. it was the first manga i'd ever read, and by first, i mean i read the first volume and then never followed up with it. so now i'm re-reading the first and picked up the second one to read when i'm done.

ant and i have been listening to the kinks a lot lately as well. i didn't realize how many songs i knew by them. i picked up some of their albums after seeing the darjeeling limited. ant put one on at my place, and since then, it's been on both of our playlists regularly. i also listened to some violent femmes today - i've had them in my head recently but today was the first time i actively tried to scratch that itch.

today was stressful. my eye is still twitching... it's been twitching for something like 24 hours now. i looked it up on the internet and the most logical thing it said was STRESS. gee, thanks, body, for letting me know i'm stressed out. i didn't realize it. after work i went to therapy and cried a lot. it felt good to cry, but at the same time, i'm just so moody lately. i kept vacillating between "it's the end of the world and i'm a massive loser" and "life is great yay i love everyone!" i mostly just need more sleep, i think.

one of the things i talked about in therapy is how much stuff i have, and how it's a huge psychological burden to me. i've got stuff in my apartment, stuff at my mom's house, and stuff in a storage place. i'm off for a few days coming up, so i'm going to go through all my dvds and sell some locally, and get rid of some of my books, and start going through some of the paperwork and mail i have everywhere. i just need to let things go. i've got weird quirks, attachment issues, and more disorders than i can possibly imagine. it's time to stop letting them control me.

i feel helpless lately. it's time to take some of that power back.

also, i gotta get some work done. if i chip at it slowly, it's far less horrible. i can do it. i think i can, i think i can...

writing writing writing

no matter how much writing i do, there is always more to be done. note: this is not a complaint. it would be nicer if there was always more writing to be done and i was getting paid for it, but there is still room for that somewhere in the future. for now, i am happy with writing, and editing, and reading, and gaming, even if there are not enough hours in the day for all of it.

last night i did some writing and ended up passing out early. i had the strangest dreams. one was about an exboyfriend from over a decade ago. he asked me to babysit his children for him. one of them turned out to be a loudmouthed racist. it was very bizarre. the other was about my most recent exboyfriend. i went to the house my grandparents used to live in, and he was there. he went through my groceries and stole my cheerios. when i told my friend ryan about it, he said, "that sounds like a thing he would really do." i couldn't help but agree.

for whatever reason, today was a downward spiral of anxiety and depression. it's been building up and getting worse over the last few days, but today was like a maelstrom, and i got a glimpse of something horrible at the bottom. part of it is stress from work, part of it is stress from personal work, part of it is stress from my therapist leaving and not knowing if i'm going to stay with her, part of it is family drama, part of it is my rent going up and a desire to move. that is a huge pie chart of stomachaches.

it doesn't help that i had another frap this morning. after not having coffee for several months, the sudden influx of caffeine into my system is a shock. by the afternoon, i felt like i was going to vomit. but it was so tasty. i am a sad panda.

i wanted to do laundry after work, but my stomach was in such an upheaval that i didn't want to spend an hour in the laundromat. so i headed over to ant's instead, with my laptop, my mouse, and my PSP, loaded up with disgaea. i got stuck at a spot in the game months ago and haven't touched it since, but i've been thinking about it a lot, so i'm going to pick it back up again. but now it's time to get down to work. by that i mean eat dinner, watch legend of korra, and then struggle through some more writing.

five posts in five days. this might be a record...

getting things done

yesterday, we spent the day playing d&d. it was glorious. we have a game in the morning called Zeitgeist that was created by some people over at enworld.org, and at night, we have a home game. we've all been pretty busy lately, so gaming has been hard to come by. it was nice to have a full day of it. afterwards, ant and i went back to my place and finished up season three of true blood. it ended on so many cliffhangers that i wanted to start watching season four right then and there. those jerks!

i also finished up touch my katamari yesterday, and ant and i played a ton of ascension on my ipad. ironically, it's made us want to get the physical board game even more, because we want to actually play the game out longer, and there's no way to do that in the app - it's got a set number of points.

today, we woke up late, lounged around, i did a lot of cleaning, and i played some borderlands. oh, and i played some more prototype last night before bed. we headed out, stopped at the comic shop to pick some stuff up (ant got some hellboy, i got some DMZ and kurosagi corpse delivery service), then we came back here and watched game of thrones. now we're getting ready to watch the latest episode of the legend of korra, and i'm working on my review of johannes cabal: the fear institute and doing some editing.

i've been a bit stressed out lately because i'm involved in a lot of stuff. i've even cut down some of it and i still feel stressed out. sometimes i feel like i'm just  not organized enough to keep up this breakneck speed of a schedule. i've got some time off coming up, so hopefully i'll be able to get myself together a little better. in the meantime, another work week starts tomorrow. monday always comes so quickly...

make some noise if you're with me

adam yauch, better know as MCA from the beastie boys, has died. he was 47 years old. when i found out yesterday, i was stunned. i hadn't listened to them in years - ill communication was the last beastie boys album with which i had a true relationship - before a few months ago. anthony started playing their latest album, hot sauce committee part two, and suddenly, i felt like i was 14 again. i felt like the first time i listened to ill communication. i felt like i was back at that sacred lollapalooza when i saw them play. since then, it's been a regular part of my daily playlists.

yauch's death is everywhere. it was all over the internet before i left work. when we were running our errands in the city, local merchants selling wares from tables on street corners were blaring the beastie boys. laying in bed watching tv with the windows open, a local radio station dj played at high volumes from a car announced his death - to those who didn't already know. and, this morning, i asked ant if he wanted to listen to some music. "sure," he said. "put something on." i put on hot sauce committee part two. "i knew you were going to play this," he said. "why wouldn't i?" i replied. "it's in honor of one of our..." i paused, looking for the right word. as i was going to say "favorite musicians," he instead, in that strange way he has of finding the perfect words, said, "fallen heroes."

we're making some noise. 'cause we're with you.

may the 4th be with you

Today is a good holiday. The daily shirt sites are divided between Star Wars shirts and Avengers shirts, all of which are awesome. I've come up with a poetry project idea that I wanted to implement last night, but my laptop decided not to work, so I watched True Blood instead. I'm currently sitting in a classroom, telling sleepy kids their 9 am class has been canceled. This blog post was brought to you by my first Frappuccino in close to a year.

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glutton for funishment

ant's reply to that: "puns are the devil."

feel like i'm 16 again

i had a revelation tonight as i was walking to my friend's house to babysit: i feel like i'm 16 again. i play dungeons and dragons regularly; i play video games every single day; i read a lot of sci fi, fantasy, and young adult (and sometimes young adult sci fi and fantasy); i write constantly. these are all things that were staples in my teenage life, and here they are all over again.

before i went out, i was looking around at my apartment, which is constantly cluttered and messy, and i thought to myself, i really need to organize this place and make it into my own living space. i live out of boxes for years at a time and it's starting to get old. i need a place where i can breathe and just be me. perhaps 16-year-old me can come help? because i have a feeling it's going to be a lot of work, fixing this place up.

what else was i doing at 16? i was playing soccer, taking latin, going to antioch for the first time. 17 years later, skeeball will have to replace soccer, japanese will have to replace latin, and board games are my new religion.

it's nearly midnight, and i'm still recovering from PAX East. time to try to get my sleep schedule back on track.

exhaustified

ah, life. it's just a series of days, one following the next. lately, i've been fighting a cold, so i've been more tired than usual. but i've also been more determined than ever to start writing in here again.

what have i been up to? a lot! girl geek dinners, games in philly, warp zoned, press 1, geekadelphia, per contra, skeeball, dungeons and dragons, board games, blood bowl, gamma world, bookclubs, reading, writing, gaming, listening to music, watching movies and tv shows. we had an awesome event for the GGD last night; i've been writing a ton for the sites i'm involved with; we were the skeeball champions last skeeson (only lost one game!); and there's been a lot of gaming - on and off the top of the table. i've read loads of books and manga and comics, watched a lot of tv, finally saw tron and tron: legacy, and even went to the movies over the holiday break a few times. it has been a media frenzy up in here.

health-wise, things have been strange. my gastroparesis has been acting up again something vicious. my anxiety has been up and down, but i'd have to say that i've been more aware of it and i've been working through it. i feel like i've been getting better and better, but i still have obvious moments where i feel like i'm walking backwards, not forwards.

there's so much i want to talk about, but i just got done writing some articles and i'm tired. i do want to start writing in here again, but i put so much pressure on myself to have something to write about. i keep forgetting that it's a blog, and that the "about" part is just me. i can write whatever i want. i can do whatever i want. and what i want is to write.