I had a pretty rough anxiety attack last night. The research I've done, plus what I've discussed in therapy, added to my reflections on what has sparked these attacks before, have lead me to believe that I understand what caused it. Mike is down the shore - has been since Tuesday. I'm joining him tonight or tomorrow. But in the meantime, I have (previously inexplicable) anxiety, which I now think is because I hold my idea of safety closely tied to the person I'm dating. It also explains some of why my relationships move so fast.
This is all just speculation, but it feels like I'm unravelling a complex knot.
d&d last night was awesome! my friend mike and i got there late but everyone was late setting up so it worked out perfectly. we had a really fun time. anthony was jumping through windows again, which earned him the nickname "reverse defenestrator," until he later pointed out that a reverse defenestrator would be someone who threw windows through people. LOL!! good times.
afterwards i played tons more of the uncharted 3 beta - the patch has really helped it a lot. i played some uncharted 2 after that for some comparison. i think i've gotten wayyy too acclimated to FPS... i keep getting my ass handed to me in TPS. blergh!
ok, time for work, and then stopping into the girl geek dinners happy hour, then babysitting, then a meeting with another local game developer (flyclops tonight!), and then either heading down the shore tonight or sometime tomorrow. i have no time to pack, so most likely tomorrow, but i'd really really really love to get there tonight...
so much to do, always! and i really just want to lay around all day and finish reading clash of kings...
i am so exhausted, but wanted to make a quick post about the uncharted 3 beta. it's here, and it's amazing so far! it's buggy and freezes a lot, but i was ready for that to happen. i like the multiplayer modes so far, the guns feel different but i'm enjoying using them, a lot of it is the same but so much is different. i'm writing up a piece for warp zoned, so i'll link that to here later.
what else...yesterday and today were busy days at work, for sure. last night after work, i met with some friends and local game developers to talk about a project we're working on, which went really well. afterwards i went home, grabbed some stuff, and headed to mike's. we watched "24," i read more clash of kings, and then we passed out. tonight i played tons and tons of uncharted 3 and recorded our podcast with ryan and adam. it was so fun! i hope we start doing a weekly podcast - it's such a blast.
time to get at least some sleep - tomorrow's another long day!! going to read some more of my book and pass out. :D
ps - i had some STRANGE dreams last night. i might write about them later, but wow. they are surely bizarre!
Oh, Sunday! You bring in the end of the weekend, and for that I am usually so sad. But I was in a good mood all day today! I woke up in a good mood, with Spot cuddling up to me in bed. I took care of the kitties, made breakfast burritos for Mike and me, and then we got all showered and ready to go to our book club meeting. We stopped at Whole Foods first and I picked up a fruit tart. I'll use pretty much any excuse possible to buy a fruit tart! We headed to the station and hung out waiting for the train - Mike was reading the final pages of A Storm of Swords, and I was leveling my characters in Disgaea: Afternoon of Darkness.
We got to Lansdale and Sheila picked us up, and we met our friend Bill back at her place. We ate a delicious brunch and then went out on her balcony and discussed Johannes Cabal the Necromancer, which I was pleased to hear everyone loved! It was my first book pick, so I was a little nervous, but the book is just so easy to talk about because it's amazing. We had a great time discussing it! I hope they all read the second book, too, so we can discuss that as well, because I liked it but didn't love it. I wouldn't say I was disappointed, but I feel like the first book was a hard act to follow. After that, we planned out the next three months' worth of material, ate some fruit tart, and then Bill dropped us off at the station and we headed back home.
I had charged my 3DS at Sheila's, so I played a bunch of Dream Trigger 3D and unlocked a lot more stuff, and Mike wrapped up the rest of his book. He's obsessed! I kind of love it. We got home and chilled out a little while before I had my Skype meeting with Tristin and Patrick confirming all of our meetings for this week - I'm nervous and excited! Hopefully everything goes smoothly and I can start talking about this project soon. When we were done, Mike hopped into CoDBlOps with me, and I finally prestiged for the first time! It felt good, haha. I also started re-reading A Clash of Kings, downloaded and started Link's Awakening, and finished up the rest of my homework. I was going to do some editing but it looks like most of it is done, so I'm going to save the rest for tomorrow night and go wash the dishes and make my lunch for tomorrow. Whew! Sunday, you are so busy sometimes...
Ok, I best be off. Just wanted to share one more thing - these ridiculous glasses. They're the deal of the day in the Amazon video game section, and they are crazy. At first I just thought they were super overpriced glasses, but they are specially made so that you don't have to blink as much while you're playing, which absolutely blew my mind. Major League Gaming is a strange and interesting thing!
So today we took the kitties to the vet. I haven't taken Spot in a long time - probably a few years, come to think of it. It might have been as far back as 2006. Anyway, I also haven't taken her anywhere since I moved here, so she's been in my apartment - other than the time I spent in Japan, when she was at my mom's - since 2007. The Pup is a different story. He was diagnosed last year with toxoplasmosis, after having a series of seizures. I had to take him to the vet a few times, and we had him on medication a few times, and it was really sad. But he's been ok for a while. He had two more seizures, and Spot is really fat, so we thought it would be a good time to take them both to the vet.
Normally, Pup is not pleased about being in the car, but he gets over it pretty quickly... so long as he's not in a carrier. But this new vet that I've been using the last year has a strict policy on that, so we borrow a dog carrier from my mom and put him in there. It's been a long time - since 2008 - since I've put them both in there at the same time, but I didn't think it would be that big of a problem. I knew they'd be miserable, but I had no IDEA what we were in for.
We got them both into the cage without much of a problem. To my surprise, Spot started freaking out almost immediately. The Pup was his normal spazzy self, but she cried and cried and cried. We got them to the vet quickly, brought them in, and put the carrier down. Another woman had come in with her cat, and Pup noticed and started growling. I turned the cage towards the other cat so they could see her, which was the stupidest thing I could have done. Mike was like "I'm not sure if that's a good idea..." There was also a cat loose who lives there, a sweet tuxedo cat named Diamond. Well, he started heading towards them, and the Pup went completely insane and started attacking Spot! It was like a crazy cougar battle inside a tiny cage. We had to rush them to an examining room and let Spot out and put the Pup back in the other room in the cage. Even after that, Spot still just sat in a corner and hissed most of the time, and when it came time for her exam, JFC. She was FREAKING OUT. She screamed so loud through most of it that they could hear her in the waiting room! I was near tears through the entire thing. Pup was an angel during his exam, but he always is. He just purrs and purrs with the doctor and her assistant like a cute little flirt.
The verdicts were at least good for both cats - Spot is fine, other than being really overweight. We need to put her on a diet starting now. Pup is a little skinny and we have to watch for his seizures. We got them back home and had to keep them separated for a little while because they were still hissing at each other, but they're doing ok now.
I was exhausted all day. I finished up most of my homework for the week, did some writing, started reading Codependent No More (which is really good and insightful), started F.3.A.R. (which I love so far), watched Lost Boys with Mike, and now I'm playing some Call of Duty: Black Ops with some friends online. I've got more writing to do, which I might get done before I go to bed. Tomorrow we're off to our friend Sheila's for our book club to talk about Johannes Cabal the Necromancer, which I'm hoping will be fun. I get to lead this time, so I'm a little nervous! And last night we had Mike's roommate's engagement party, which was SO fun! I really like his roommate Mark, and his fiance Chelsea, and their friend Dave, and all of their other friends were really nice, too.
All right, back to Blops. I'm about to prestige for the first time...finally! I'm so close. And I need to do more writing...and cuddle my kitties...and read more...and sleep.
This is, by far, one of the funniest websites I've ever seen:
Damn. I laughed myself silly last night over the squirrel one!
I'm heading to work soon, but I'm feeling pretty awake and wanted to write in here for a moment. Tonight, after work, Mike and i are meeting his roommate Mark and his fiance and their friends to celebrate their engagement! I'm so excited. Mark and Chelsea are wonderful people. Tomorrow, we're taking both of my kitties to the vet - the Pup is still having seizures, so we're hoping they can run more tests and find out what's going on. Spot... well... Spot is really overweight, so we're going to ask them what we can do about that. Sunday we have our Book Club That Doesn't Suck meeting, to discuss Johannes Cabal the Necromancer, which I'm very excited about! And then Sunday night I'm meeting up with Tristin and Patrick via Skype to discuss a project we're working on that isn't quite public yet... but I think will be soon. In between all of that, I'll be doing homework, trying to wrap up A Game of Thrones and possibly start A Clash of Kings, working on Disgaea and Dream Trigger 3D some more, and watching some more "24." We're in the last season, and it's strange how many "big" actors are in it! Mike also wants to see Lost Boys and Flatliners to compare and contrast young Keifer with older Keifer. Ha! :)
Ok, time to finish getting ready. It's Friday, yay! Random picture spam:
The last few weeks have been very busy! Mike and I (and recently our other friend Mike) have been going to Dungeons & Dragons encounters at a local game store, and it has been amazing! It's every Wednesday night, and the people we play with are terrific. I'm enjoying it so much! We also had Wizard World Philadelphia this weekend, which was a blast. I'm still recovering from it, and this weekend will be just as busy! It's been kind of rough at work lately - first week of the term always is! - but rice + Ramune for dinner made it all better:
I've also been doing an unbelievable amount of writing, and I'm taking a class this term which means I've been doing homework, and I finished up inFAMOUS and I'm more than halfway through Dream Trigger 3D and Disgaea: Afternoon of Darkness, and I finished Johannes Cabal the Detective and started re-reading A Game of Thrones, and the show ended already but! I did just pre-order it today on blu-ray, the minute Amazon sent me the email to let me know it was available. Whew! I've been a busy lady. I also had a major breakthrough in therapy this week, which feels strange to say but feels good to say and think about. I think I might actually be able to work through all the negative (and previously unexplainable) thoughts and feelings I have. It feels suspiciously like progress, as Ryan Littlefield would say :)
More details - and pictures! - this weekend. For now, I'm going to hang out with the Starks and then head to bed.
I keep saying I'll write everyday and post pictures everyday and blah blah blah. But the truth is, I'm really busy most days and nights, and having a theme kind of makes blogging seem like a chore. I don't want to do something just so I can blog about it. It starts to take all the fun out.
Speaking of being out of fun, I've got a gastric emptying scan tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous about it, but I'm guessing that's a normal reaction. More details later...for now, sleep.
i should definitely be in bed already, but i feel like this sunday got away from me. friday we had my cousin erin's wedding, which was BEAUTIFUL! and i had such a great time with my family. it was mike's first time meeting that part of my family - my stepdad's side, who i've known almost my whole life and i love very much. i don't get to see them often, but when i do, i'm reminded as to why they mean so much to me.
saturday we woke up late and i spent most of the day going through stuff in my mom's basement. i've lost 30 pounds since last summer, so i pulled out all my old shorts, cropped pants, and bathing suits. i also grabbed some shirts and a few pairs of flip flops, along with some awesome platform sneakers. i can't wait for summer!
we celebrated mike's birthday early with a good dinner and a cake, and then my mom and fran drove us home. i spent the rest of the night beating bioshock 2, which wasn't as bad as i thought it would be.
today we woke up, ate breakfast, watched some 24, then headed to my friend brian's for the bike race, which we completely missed. whoops! we hung out with his friends and family, and after they left, we re-watched the first two episodes of a game of thrones. mike read the book last weekend, so it would awesome to watch it with his and brian's commentary (brian's "re-reading" the books right now by listening to the audio books). brian was the one who got me into a song of ice and fire, so it's really awesome to watch the episodes with him (we saw the first one at a special screening in a movie theater - it was amazing!).
afterwards, we headed home, and ended up stopping and taking some pictures around the city. we so often forget what an amazing place we live in, and it feels so good sometimes when we stop to appreciate it. when we got home, i wanted to clean up a little, but it was so late by the time we got here that i just started up infamous. i'm actually kind of upset i didn't start it sooner! it's crazy amounts of fun...and why it's after 1 am and i'm still not in bed. whoops...
i have pictures of the t-shirts i've been wearing, but they're not readily accessible, so instead i'll post this one mike took of me on friday in the dress i wore to erin's wedding:
i need to stay on top of pictures more. i just uploaded the ones from mike's brother's graduation dinner, and i've got tons on my hard drive, camera, and phone - and now on mike's phone, too. and i just found a ton more in my mom's basement... i would love to start scanning them in and uploading those to facebook, but people would probably choke me, haha. :)
ok, really, time for bed! which means time to get into bed and read some more of johannes cabal the detective. sunday nights are the worst... i mess my sleep up too bad to be of any use at all monday. also, i can't believe e3 is this week!! it's so hard to believe that this time last year i was sitting at microsoft's kinect even, wearing a white poncho and bracing myself for all of the excitement to come.
whew. i made it through the week, and i've got another three-day weekend that started about 8 hours ago. my cousin is getting married tomorrow, so mike and i are headed to my mom's and then we're going to the wedding. mike's never met this part of my family before - it's my stepdad's family. i haven't seen them in ages (probably since the last wedding in 2007) so i'm very excited to see them all! i had to pick out a dress tonight - i narrowed it down to two, and i'm just going to bring them both. whatever, i'm allowed.
after work, we headed to mike's to grab our stuff, and then headed to my place. we had some dinner, watched another episode of 24, and then mike read more clash of kings while i played disgaea and bioshock 2. it was a nice, relaxing evening.
tomorrow i'm going to attempt to get up early so i can get some laundry and writing done before we head to my mom's. this weekend is packed - wedding tomorrow, celebrating mike's birthday at my mom's saturday, and brian's annual bike race party on sunday. hopefully i'll get a chance to game and write a bit as well, and maybe stop by and play some pokemon with chris.
oh, and today's t-shirt was another behemoth twitter contest win! it's another one from PAX East, though this one is from last year's expo.
whew. that is all. time to play more disgaea or read more johannes cabal the detective or maybe just sleep.
Today was nuts! Mike and I went to dinner when I was done work and then headed over to Redcap's for some D&D, which is awesome. I'm really getting into it! I think I'm going to try to make my own character this weekend. We walked back to Mike's after that and I played some Pokemon Black while he played Metal Gear Online, then I played more BioShock 2 while he read more of A Clash of Kings. Now we're just wrapping up and getting ready to pass out.
I started Johannes Cabal the Detective the other night, which I may have mentioned. It's surprisingly good so far! Not that I didn't think the author could pull it off... it's just that the first one was SO good, that it's hard to imagine him equaling that again. I hope he did! So far I'm feeling optimistic. And my book club is reading Johannes Cabal the Necromancer right now, meaning I'm going to get to read it for a third time :D
So much on my mind... hopefully will have time for a proper post discussing all the reviewing I've been doing! But I'm so tired now... zzz...
Oh! Today's t-shirt is called "Fresh Cake." It might just be the best t-shirt ever created!
Hi! I'm Nicole. I'm a game designer living in Philadelphia. I make games with my fiance, Anthony Amato, at Cardboard Fortress Games. I'm also the Senior Editor at Warp Zoned, and I teach part time.