in which i give a lot of information about medical stuff

warning: there is going to potentially be TMI here about my lady parts. seriously. don't read if you don't like hearing about periods, uteri, and words like "gynecologist."

SERIOUSLY NOT KIDDING.

ok! so yeah. i have had a pretty poor history for the last, oh, i don't know, 15 years of my life? when it comes to my lady parts. when i was 19, i had an abortion, and afterwards i found out that i have a tilted uterus, which is why i have such horrible pain and bleeding. to counter that, the doctors put me on the pill, which worked on and off for ten years. in 2008, after years of having horrible migraines and trying to work out what medication would work best, i decided to stop taking the pill. my migraines stopped, but wonderful adventures in terrible pain had just begun.

as each year goes by, as each month goes by, i'm never sure what's going to happen. my period never comes on the same day each month; sometimes it comes five days early, sometimes it's a week late (that's always fun). the pain has become worse and worse, to the point that in november it was so excruciating - and the bleeding was so heavy - that i went to the gynecologist.

i guess i should backtrack a bit here. when i was 21, i was diagnosed with HPV, which was terrifying. i had to go to the doctor every three months for constant checkups, and in 2007, i was told i had CIN 3 cells, which is pretty darn close to cancer. i had to get a LEEP done (DO NOT RECOMMEND MUCH PAIN), and after that, i needed to have my birth canal scraped, because they thought the cells had passed through there to my other organs, and that i was at high risk for cancer. (again, fun weeks.) my HPV cleared in 2010, which meant i could go back to normal yearly visits. but i started having horrible pain and terrible bleeding, and had to go in on an off-time to get checked out. the doctor recommended an ultrasound, in which they found nothing - from my descriptions, they think i had a small cyst which may have ruptured. GOOD TIMES ALL AROUND.

so, in november, i went back, complaining of the same pain and heavy bleeding. they did an ultrasound and found two masses - one they said was possibly a cyst, and the other was possibly a "degenerating fybroid," i think was the exact term. she wanted me to come back in 60-90 days, right after my period, to try to see if it was still there or not.

i went back this past monday. the larger mass was still there.

now, i went back monday thinking they were going to say "yup, no big deal, it's gone." instead, what i got was a phone call from my gynecologist, saying that the mass was still there, that it could be an endymetria, and that she wanted me to make an appointment with one of the physicians there because they might want to perform surgery to remove it.

i just about had heart failure when i heard her say the word "surgery."

i haven't done what i usually do, which is google the shit out of this stuff to figure out what exactly it is, because i am currently paralyzed with fear over it and am doing my best to try not to think about it at all. the soonest they can see me for a consultation is february 6th, so i'm just going to do my best to not freak the fuck out about it and go about life as usual. but it's been really difficult to concentrate, and even things i normally do to zone out have not been successful.

so i guess what i'm saying is, if i seem stressed out, or distant, or just flat out disappear for hours/days at a time, or i don't get something done that i should, please don't take it personally, and please feel free to prod me if you need something. i'm a little distracted right now.