yesterday, we spent the day playing d&d. it was glorious. we have a game in the morning called Zeitgeist that was created by some people over at enworld.org, and at night, we have a home game. we've all been pretty busy lately, so gaming has been hard to come by. it was nice to have a full day of it. afterwards, ant and i went back to my place and finished up season three of true blood. it ended on so many cliffhangers that i wanted to start watching season four right then and there. those jerks!
i also finished up touch my katamari yesterday, and ant and i played a ton of ascension on my ipad. ironically, it's made us want to get the physical board game even more, because we want to actually play the game out longer, and there's no way to do that in the app - it's got a set number of points.
today, we woke up late, lounged around, i did a lot of cleaning, and i played some borderlands. oh, and i played some more prototype last night before bed. we headed out, stopped at the comic shop to pick some stuff up (ant got some hellboy, i got some DMZ and kurosagi corpse delivery service), then we came back here and watched game of thrones. now we're getting ready to watch the latest episode of the legend of korra, and i'm working on my review of johannes cabal: the fear institute and doing some editing.
i've been a bit stressed out lately because i'm involved in a lot of stuff. i've even cut down some of it and i still feel stressed out. sometimes i feel like i'm just not organized enough to keep up this breakneck speed of a schedule. i've got some time off coming up, so hopefully i'll be able to get myself together a little better. in the meantime, another work week starts tomorrow. monday always comes so quickly...
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Saturday, May 5, 2012
make some noise if you're with me
adam yauch, better know as MCA from the beastie boys, has died. he was 47 years old. when i found out yesterday, i was stunned. i hadn't listened to them in years - ill communication was the last beastie boys album with which i had a true relationship - before a few months ago. anthony started playing their latest album, hot sauce committee part two, and suddenly, i felt like i was 14 again. i felt like the first time i listened to ill communication. i felt like i was back at that sacred lollapalooza when i saw them play. since then, it's been a regular part of my daily playlists.
yauch's death is everywhere. it was all over the internet before i left work. when we were running our errands in the city, local merchants selling wares from tables on street corners were blaring the beastie boys. laying in bed watching tv with the windows open, a local radio station dj played at high volumes from a car announced his death - to those who didn't already know. and, this morning, i asked ant if he wanted to listen to some music. "sure," he said. "put something on." i put on hot sauce committee part two. "i knew you were going to play this," he said. "why wouldn't i?" i replied. "it's in honor of one of our..." i paused, looking for the right word. as i was going to say "favorite musicians," he instead, in that strange way he has of finding the perfect words, said, "fallen heroes."
we're making some noise. 'cause we're with you.
yauch's death is everywhere. it was all over the internet before i left work. when we were running our errands in the city, local merchants selling wares from tables on street corners were blaring the beastie boys. laying in bed watching tv with the windows open, a local radio station dj played at high volumes from a car announced his death - to those who didn't already know. and, this morning, i asked ant if he wanted to listen to some music. "sure," he said. "put something on." i put on hot sauce committee part two. "i knew you were going to play this," he said. "why wouldn't i?" i replied. "it's in honor of one of our..." i paused, looking for the right word. as i was going to say "favorite musicians," he instead, in that strange way he has of finding the perfect words, said, "fallen heroes."
we're making some noise. 'cause we're with you.
Friday, May 4, 2012
may the 4th be with you
Today is a good holiday. The daily shirt sites are divided between Star Wars shirts and Avengers shirts, all of which are awesome. I've come up with a poetry project idea that I wanted to implement last night, but my laptop decided not to work, so I watched True Blood instead. I'm currently sitting in a classroom, telling sleepy kids their 9 am class has been canceled. This blog post was brought to you by my first Frappuccino in close to a year.
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Thursday, May 3, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
feel like i'm 16 again
i had a revelation tonight as i was walking to my friend's house to babysit: i feel like i'm 16 again. i play dungeons and dragons regularly; i play video games every single day; i read a lot of sci fi, fantasy, and young adult (and sometimes young adult sci fi and fantasy); i write constantly. these are all things that were staples in my teenage life, and here they are all over again.
before i went out, i was looking around at my apartment, which is constantly cluttered and messy, and i thought to myself, i really need to organize this place and make it into my own living space. i live out of boxes for years at a time and it's starting to get old. i need a place where i can breathe and just be me. perhaps 16-year-old me can come help? because i have a feeling it's going to be a lot of work, fixing this place up.
what else was i doing at 16? i was playing soccer, taking latin, going to antioch for the first time. 17 years later, skeeball will have to replace soccer, japanese will have to replace latin, and board games are my new religion.
it's nearly midnight, and i'm still recovering from PAX East. time to try to get my sleep schedule back on track.
before i went out, i was looking around at my apartment, which is constantly cluttered and messy, and i thought to myself, i really need to organize this place and make it into my own living space. i live out of boxes for years at a time and it's starting to get old. i need a place where i can breathe and just be me. perhaps 16-year-old me can come help? because i have a feeling it's going to be a lot of work, fixing this place up.
what else was i doing at 16? i was playing soccer, taking latin, going to antioch for the first time. 17 years later, skeeball will have to replace soccer, japanese will have to replace latin, and board games are my new religion.
it's nearly midnight, and i'm still recovering from PAX East. time to try to get my sleep schedule back on track.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
exhaustified
ah, life. it's just a series of days, one following the next. lately, i've been fighting a cold, so i've been more tired than usual. but i've also been more determined than ever to start writing in here again.
what have i been up to? a lot! girl geek dinners, games in philly, warp zoned, press 1, geekadelphia, per contra, skeeball, dungeons and dragons, board games, blood bowl, gamma world, bookclubs, reading, writing, gaming, listening to music, watching movies and tv shows. we had an awesome event for the GGD last night; i've been writing a ton for the sites i'm involved with; we were the skeeball champions last skeeson (only lost one game!); and there's been a lot of gaming - on and off the top of the table. i've read loads of books and manga and comics, watched a lot of tv, finally saw tron and tron: legacy, and even went to the movies over the holiday break a few times. it has been a media frenzy up in here.
health-wise, things have been strange. my gastroparesis has been acting up again something vicious. my anxiety has been up and down, but i'd have to say that i've been more aware of it and i've been working through it. i feel like i've been getting better and better, but i still have obvious moments where i feel like i'm walking backwards, not forwards.
there's so much i want to talk about, but i just got done writing some articles and i'm tired. i do want to start writing in here again, but i put so much pressure on myself to have something to write about. i keep forgetting that it's a blog, and that the "about" part is just me. i can write whatever i want. i can do whatever i want. and what i want is to write.
what have i been up to? a lot! girl geek dinners, games in philly, warp zoned, press 1, geekadelphia, per contra, skeeball, dungeons and dragons, board games, blood bowl, gamma world, bookclubs, reading, writing, gaming, listening to music, watching movies and tv shows. we had an awesome event for the GGD last night; i've been writing a ton for the sites i'm involved with; we were the skeeball champions last skeeson (only lost one game!); and there's been a lot of gaming - on and off the top of the table. i've read loads of books and manga and comics, watched a lot of tv, finally saw tron and tron: legacy, and even went to the movies over the holiday break a few times. it has been a media frenzy up in here.
health-wise, things have been strange. my gastroparesis has been acting up again something vicious. my anxiety has been up and down, but i'd have to say that i've been more aware of it and i've been working through it. i feel like i've been getting better and better, but i still have obvious moments where i feel like i'm walking backwards, not forwards.
there's so much i want to talk about, but i just got done writing some articles and i'm tired. i do want to start writing in here again, but i put so much pressure on myself to have something to write about. i keep forgetting that it's a blog, and that the "about" part is just me. i can write whatever i want. i can do whatever i want. and what i want is to write.
Friday, November 18, 2011
How many licks does it take?
I've tried to write this blog post half a dozen times, and yet somehow I've failed to finish a single one. So hopefully this time I will manage to finish a full thought, at least.
First: I'm writing this from my shiny new iPad! I love this thing. I barely have any apps on it yet - I've downloaded some, but for the most part, I don't really like them. The Facebook and Twitter apps suck; I can't find a blogspot app that doesn't suck. I don't like the Google chat app i found, either. I was hoping I could run the D&D character creator, but it runs on Silverlight, so that has been mostly futile. I did put Netflix on it, which has been absolutely ridiculously amazing. Other than that, I've mostly just been checking email and writing on it. The keyboard doesn't bother me at all - actually enjoy typing with it, though I'm obviously not as efficient as I am on a regular keyboard. For the most part, though, I really like it. It works for what I need it to do, and as I slowly get more acclimated to it, I like it more and more.
What else...there's just so much going on, I don't even know where to start. I guess I can start with real life. I had dinner with Michelle Pagnani a few weeks ago, and it was so fun! I hadn't seen her in years, but we had kept in touch, especially recently. We talked about everything, and mostly just realized how alike we are in so many ways. We want to plan a little happy hour with a bunch of the former English majors, which I would really love, if we could all find the time.
We saw Electric Six that same week. It was one of the most fun concerts I've ever been to! Anthony got me into them when we started dating, and I've been hooked ever since. We saw them at Johnny Brenda's with a bunch of people - Bailey, George, Kristin, Bill, BJ, and Aaron were all there. I spent most of the night drinking and dancing with Anthony. It was so...I don't even know. Liberating? It felt so good to dance and laugh and sing with Anthony, who is just so free and fun to be with. My words are failing me right now...which has been happening a lot lately.
Anyway, what else? Skeeball is a blast! We finished the regular season last night and remained undefeated! I rolled a 290 in our first game, and in the second game, during the mystery round, I scored a 190...rolling blindfolded with my left hand. It was a great moment. Finals are in two weeks. Registration has already opened for the next skeeson, and so far I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I could stick with my team, because we have a really great rapport, or I could make my own team with my friends, because so many people have expressed an interest in it. So I have to make a decision about it tonight.
I got my hair cut again, too, the day of the Geekadelphia Halloween party. It is shorter than my original cut, which grew way too fast into my eyes. Even now, three weeks later, my hair has grown so crazy quickly! I can't believe it. The party itself was ok - Ant and I were the two main characters from Breaking Bad, Walt and Jesse. Everyone loved our costumes. But I was feeling super fragile - I've been having some self-images issues recently, and dressing as a boy for Halloween drew out all kinds of anxiety. I ended up freaking out and Ant and I had a big fight that went on for most of the weekend. I did a lot of introspecting that weekend, but not before reigning destruction down around me. I know that I can't keep living my life like a bull in a china shop. I know I can't keep wrecking the feelings of the people around me. The people who stay are true friends who love me dearly and will stick with me no matter what, but knowing that doesn't always bring me comfort, because I cringe to think about the pain I've caused them.
In short: I'm lucky to have Ant, and Bailey, and Schneegas, and George. They've brought me through the awful haze that has been the last few weeks, and for that I am grateful. I'm lucky to have a lot of other people, too - Michelle and Veronica, and Chris and Ryan, and John and Holly, and Rachel and Vanessa, and Ian and Brian and Brett. There are too many people to name them all. I'm just a really lucky person who can't be grateful enough.
And I think I've reached my sap quota. I had taken off the week after the party, to work on my novel, which I didn't do. I did go the dentist, therapist, and Gastoenterolgoist; I did play and beat Uncharted 3; I did play a lot of Blood Bowl in our league at Redcap's; I did read a lot of 1Q84, the new Murakami book; I jdid play Skeeball; I did play three games of D&D. I had no cavities and my stomach doctor thinks things are getting better. My therapy appointment was a little mixed....my therapist left the practice, and plans on retiring soon. So that was our last appointment together. I actually ended up crying at the end because I was so sad. She is the first person I've ever really completely opened up to - I told her things I've never said out loud before. I had never given details on any of the sexual abuse I've gone through, not until three months ago when I told her. I felt sad that she was leaving; I felt anxious thinking about starting all over again with a new therapist. She was sad, too - there were tears in both of our eyes when we said goodbye. She set me up with another therapist in the practice, though, and I've seen her twice so far. I like her, and I think that the slow pace we're taking is exactly what I need right now. Everything has been so intense lately, and dialing it down feels good.
Last week was similar to the week before it - I played two more Blood Bowl games at the shop, and played D&D encounters...our last encounter, followed by dim sum at New Harmony. It was lame going back to work, and I also skipped Skeeball to pack for MEPACon, which was the 11th to the 13th. MEPACon is a D&D convention held in Clark's Summit, PA. I was nervous about it,but it ended up being an absolute BLAST! I played 7 mods total, and leveled 2 of my characters - Genza, my ranger, went from 8th to 9th, and Emberyll, my bladesinger, went from 14th to 16th. I did have a minor freak out on the second night, but I talked it through with Anthony, and we got through it.
This past week has been a complete blur. Monday after work I had an appointment with my psychiatrist, then I had a conference call about GameLoop Philly, and then I basically just passed the hell out. I was exhausted. Tuesday I had work, then went to Redcap's for Blood Bowl and hung out with everyone all night. We went back to my place afterwards, which was really nice. Wednesday was work, then the character creation meeting for our new encounter, and then Ant and I went to his friend Gil's place for a board game night. We watched them finish up a game of Dixit, and then played Pandemic with the expansion, which made things even more complicated than usual! Yesterday I didn't have work because I had two doctor's appointments, so I went home in the morning, did some cleaning and food shopping, went to my appointments, did some laundry, then went to Skeeball, where we proceeded to win our final two games. After that, I took the bus to Ant's and he made us some dinner and we decided to try out Pandemic with just two players. It was really fun, and both times we came close to winning...but of course, we lost. I mean, come on. It's Pandemic!!
Work was boring today, and now I'm just chilling at Redcap's, watching Ant play Roland in Blood Bowl while writing this. I was supposed to have a game tonight, too, but Sam cancelled on me. On, and I'm also reading the Uncharted book, which is surprisingly not that bad. I need to review that and the game and a bunch of other stuff. Hopefully my writer's block will get thawed out a little by this giant blog post I'm writing right now :)
There is so much more I want to write about - my therapy appointment yesterday, which was the anniversary of Eric's death, as well. How my anxiety has been. How today is the first day I've felt normal in weeks. The crazy dreams I've been having. What's been going on with my novel. My thoughts on self-image, being invisible, and androgyny. The book of poetry I am putting together. The socks I want to buy. The music I've been listening to. The anime I've been watching. The handmade jewelry I just had commissioned. But I think this is enough writing for now.
First: I'm writing this from my shiny new iPad! I love this thing. I barely have any apps on it yet - I've downloaded some, but for the most part, I don't really like them. The Facebook and Twitter apps suck; I can't find a blogspot app that doesn't suck. I don't like the Google chat app i found, either. I was hoping I could run the D&D character creator, but it runs on Silverlight, so that has been mostly futile. I did put Netflix on it, which has been absolutely ridiculously amazing. Other than that, I've mostly just been checking email and writing on it. The keyboard doesn't bother me at all - actually enjoy typing with it, though I'm obviously not as efficient as I am on a regular keyboard. For the most part, though, I really like it. It works for what I need it to do, and as I slowly get more acclimated to it, I like it more and more.
What else...there's just so much going on, I don't even know where to start. I guess I can start with real life. I had dinner with Michelle Pagnani a few weeks ago, and it was so fun! I hadn't seen her in years, but we had kept in touch, especially recently. We talked about everything, and mostly just realized how alike we are in so many ways. We want to plan a little happy hour with a bunch of the former English majors, which I would really love, if we could all find the time.
We saw Electric Six that same week. It was one of the most fun concerts I've ever been to! Anthony got me into them when we started dating, and I've been hooked ever since. We saw them at Johnny Brenda's with a bunch of people - Bailey, George, Kristin, Bill, BJ, and Aaron were all there. I spent most of the night drinking and dancing with Anthony. It was so...I don't even know. Liberating? It felt so good to dance and laugh and sing with Anthony, who is just so free and fun to be with. My words are failing me right now...which has been happening a lot lately.
Anyway, what else? Skeeball is a blast! We finished the regular season last night and remained undefeated! I rolled a 290 in our first game, and in the second game, during the mystery round, I scored a 190...rolling blindfolded with my left hand. It was a great moment. Finals are in two weeks. Registration has already opened for the next skeeson, and so far I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I could stick with my team, because we have a really great rapport, or I could make my own team with my friends, because so many people have expressed an interest in it. So I have to make a decision about it tonight.
I got my hair cut again, too, the day of the Geekadelphia Halloween party. It is shorter than my original cut, which grew way too fast into my eyes. Even now, three weeks later, my hair has grown so crazy quickly! I can't believe it. The party itself was ok - Ant and I were the two main characters from Breaking Bad, Walt and Jesse. Everyone loved our costumes. But I was feeling super fragile - I've been having some self-images issues recently, and dressing as a boy for Halloween drew out all kinds of anxiety. I ended up freaking out and Ant and I had a big fight that went on for most of the weekend. I did a lot of introspecting that weekend, but not before reigning destruction down around me. I know that I can't keep living my life like a bull in a china shop. I know I can't keep wrecking the feelings of the people around me. The people who stay are true friends who love me dearly and will stick with me no matter what, but knowing that doesn't always bring me comfort, because I cringe to think about the pain I've caused them.
In short: I'm lucky to have Ant, and Bailey, and Schneegas, and George. They've brought me through the awful haze that has been the last few weeks, and for that I am grateful. I'm lucky to have a lot of other people, too - Michelle and Veronica, and Chris and Ryan, and John and Holly, and Rachel and Vanessa, and Ian and Brian and Brett. There are too many people to name them all. I'm just a really lucky person who can't be grateful enough.
And I think I've reached my sap quota. I had taken off the week after the party, to work on my novel, which I didn't do. I did go the dentist, therapist, and Gastoenterolgoist; I did play and beat Uncharted 3; I did play a lot of Blood Bowl in our league at Redcap's; I did read a lot of 1Q84, the new Murakami book; I jdid play Skeeball; I did play three games of D&D. I had no cavities and my stomach doctor thinks things are getting better. My therapy appointment was a little mixed....my therapist left the practice, and plans on retiring soon. So that was our last appointment together. I actually ended up crying at the end because I was so sad. She is the first person I've ever really completely opened up to - I told her things I've never said out loud before. I had never given details on any of the sexual abuse I've gone through, not until three months ago when I told her. I felt sad that she was leaving; I felt anxious thinking about starting all over again with a new therapist. She was sad, too - there were tears in both of our eyes when we said goodbye. She set me up with another therapist in the practice, though, and I've seen her twice so far. I like her, and I think that the slow pace we're taking is exactly what I need right now. Everything has been so intense lately, and dialing it down feels good.
Last week was similar to the week before it - I played two more Blood Bowl games at the shop, and played D&D encounters...our last encounter, followed by dim sum at New Harmony. It was lame going back to work, and I also skipped Skeeball to pack for MEPACon, which was the 11th to the 13th. MEPACon is a D&D convention held in Clark's Summit, PA. I was nervous about it,but it ended up being an absolute BLAST! I played 7 mods total, and leveled 2 of my characters - Genza, my ranger, went from 8th to 9th, and Emberyll, my bladesinger, went from 14th to 16th. I did have a minor freak out on the second night, but I talked it through with Anthony, and we got through it.
This past week has been a complete blur. Monday after work I had an appointment with my psychiatrist, then I had a conference call about GameLoop Philly, and then I basically just passed the hell out. I was exhausted. Tuesday I had work, then went to Redcap's for Blood Bowl and hung out with everyone all night. We went back to my place afterwards, which was really nice. Wednesday was work, then the character creation meeting for our new encounter, and then Ant and I went to his friend Gil's place for a board game night. We watched them finish up a game of Dixit, and then played Pandemic with the expansion, which made things even more complicated than usual! Yesterday I didn't have work because I had two doctor's appointments, so I went home in the morning, did some cleaning and food shopping, went to my appointments, did some laundry, then went to Skeeball, where we proceeded to win our final two games. After that, I took the bus to Ant's and he made us some dinner and we decided to try out Pandemic with just two players. It was really fun, and both times we came close to winning...but of course, we lost. I mean, come on. It's Pandemic!!
Work was boring today, and now I'm just chilling at Redcap's, watching Ant play Roland in Blood Bowl while writing this. I was supposed to have a game tonight, too, but Sam cancelled on me. On, and I'm also reading the Uncharted book, which is surprisingly not that bad. I need to review that and the game and a bunch of other stuff. Hopefully my writer's block will get thawed out a little by this giant blog post I'm writing right now :)
There is so much more I want to write about - my therapy appointment yesterday, which was the anniversary of Eric's death, as well. How my anxiety has been. How today is the first day I've felt normal in weeks. The crazy dreams I've been having. What's been going on with my novel. My thoughts on self-image, being invisible, and androgyny. The book of poetry I am putting together. The socks I want to buy. The music I've been listening to. The anime I've been watching. The handmade jewelry I just had commissioned. But I think this is enough writing for now.
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